Crap Rattler: Hot Head and More
by Raymond Epstein
Hi everybody! What's it been like ten years in the past six months? It only seems like an eternity. I sincerely hope that the fall/winter finds you all well and filled with gusto or something like that. Being in healthcare I was never really given any time off, furlough, or whatever due to the plague. We went down to a skeletal group for maybe 2.5 months +/-, but then were back up to full-time schedule before the end of June. We maintain a very strict policy of temperature checks upon ingress and exit, no outside clothes in the clinical setting and vice versa as well as full covering PPE (KN95 masks/Level 3 masks, gowns, gloves, eye protection, head coverings, shields, etc) throughout the day no exceptions. We've had zero cases amongst our staff and no reports from patients either. In contrast, Georgia has had some of the most lax restrictions and earliest re-openings of any state despite our numbers being pretty bad.
Meanwhile, I have continued to get out and enjoy the weather on my own or in small, but distanced groups. I've gone out to eat twice in restaurants. Both times involved either making reservations along with completing a health screening form having our temperatures taken and sitting at a table isolated from other clientele or picking up something to sit at outdoor seating. Outside of that, it's carry-out/curbside, grocery store, or delivery.
My getting out beyond the aforementioned is as previously noted is centered around getting exercise. I am and always have been a sweaty mess (shcwettefatfuck?). I used to go shirtless playing shows, but that became untenable when the guitar and picks would slip out of my hands. Only Matt Pike can pull that look off and maybe his decades of weed use has given him superhuman levels of guitar dexterity.
Sexy MF'er. Alas, I digress.
I then moved on to the popular sleeveless shirt. This was the standard issue uniform of VB skaters/punks in the 80's.
I miss that guitar every time I see this picture.
I guess it was slightly better for airflow and provided a modicum of sweat management, but even that is being generous. Our bass player at the time talked me into wearing two shirts (cutoff or not) as his reasoning was that the inner shirt would soak most of the sweat while the outer one would remain dry. This may have worked for his skinny ass, but not so much for me as I just ended up with two shirts completely soaked. Like Mr Pike, he smoked a lot of weed.
I really never conquered the shirt conundrum and even today with things like moisture wicking fabrics and Merino wool my shirts/jerseys remain drenched. I did however become a long term hat fan (note painters cap in above photo of questionable provenance). I've worn baseball or trucker-style hats for decades. They kept some of the sweat out of my eyes, hair (when I had some) outta my face and of course allowed me to have irreverent logos/slogans/bands/whatever crap I was/am into plastered on them. These too have evolved with modern tech with moisture wicking materials. I have a couple I only use for working out/running and yes of course, they're fucking black (#goth4ever), duh.
Hats however don't really cut it beneath 99% of all cycling helmets. They're too damn big and unwieldy as well as looking dork-tastic in the worst of ways.The fanciest helmets liners (really expensive, but not necessarily really better, but that's another story...) at best act like sponge for about a minute or two before dumping their collected perspiration in your eyes or splashing it onto your glasses...exactly where you don't want it to go.
The options to mitigate noggin moisture beneath one's cycling helmet over the years have remained limited at best. Cycling caps provide a classic old school cool vibe and some are made of wicking materials.
(you and no one for that matter, will ever be this much of a badass...racing through northern France in freezing weather over snot-slick streets on sketchy bikes is pretty punk as racing goes.)
Cycling caps do also provide some shade with their visors not to mention a solid Eurotrash vibe when worn off the bike so there's that. Additionally, there are wicking headbands which behave similarly to a cap minus the top and visor. Still at best these keep the waterfall just at bay slightly longer.
More recently, the concept of "sweat gutters" has arisen. These are bands that are held in place like a headband or actually stick on for one time use. The idea is that sweat is directed away from your eyes off your forehead to drain down your temples. I've tried both of these and one that is built into an Oakley helmet. These do work better than any of the aforementioned options in keeping the sweat out your eyes. They are however easily overwhelmed on really hot days where your sweat will pool at the apex and then dump in your face like a dam breaking. Yuck! To manage this you have to keep tilting your head to the right or left so they will drain. The built-in one that came with the Oakley lid worked the best despite the above issues, but most aren't going to pony up for an expensive lid just for that and the fact that you cannot use it apart from the helmet makes it limited at best.
Finally, this year I came across Wickflow headbands. These are a simple wicking headband with a silicone bead channel across the base in front. They are dumb simple, inexpensive, can be used in many scenarios and are amazingly effective. The tiny silicone bead drains moisture out of the sides in front of your temples while the headband keeps the sweat from pooling and then dumping on you all at once. Once in place these are the most unobtrusive of all I've tried. I wear them always when riding now and when I go for runs with my baseball cap over them. They come in a bunch of colors or just plain black. Get your sweat on without getting rinsed, yo! I give them a five out of five horned hands.
News of things that did not suck this year: Despite not being able to see live music performances for most of this year there have been some fantastic releases. Here are some hot takes for a few I've been bugging out to. It may go without saying, but you can of course find all these through whatever streaming service, youtube, iTunes, etc., but if possible do kick the bands a few bucks directly through Bandcamp as I know artists need any help they can get these days.
This crusher from this Texas trio combines heaviness, noise and melodic moments into an interesting listen. Think Tool without the proggy self-indulgence. "The Thorn You Carry in Yr Side" stomps on yr head right out of the gate and sets the tone for this one. "End Scenes" could work on a number of later Dischord releases. Lots of great stuff to chew on here that takes a few spins to sink in.
This may be the most fun album I've acquired all year. Take the best aspects of Jay Reatard craziness, mix in some early Ty Segall and you've got a raging garage blaster from this Louisville trio that doesn't quit. There is plenty of bounce without it becoming pop dreck and of course I luv me some fuzzed out stun gun guitar racket. "Reality Commander" is a drill punch with a pointy boot to yr tired ass.
Okay so this did not come out this year, but I heard it this year finally so that works for this narrative. Also these sickos are from NC and I as well as many others have felt a long kinship with NC bands and they're yet another trio so whatever. Earth-moving stoner/doom with maybe some groove lurking beneath the truckloads of sludge. I generally love listening to this kinda stuff to do chores (dishes, laundry, bike maintenance), but this has some upbeat stuff like "Blackened" that made its way into my riding playlist. Imagine Weedeater, albeit less blown out with more classic hardcore dbeat punk vocals.
Ooooooo yeah...angular, noisy post-punk badassery. Warms my cold black heart and this simply kills. Former members of Death Pedals and others create a maelstrom sputtering guitars, rhythms that veer between dance party madness and hardcore with Mark E Smith-esque vocals peppered over the din. Did I mention you can dance to it?
I have no idea what it is about Portland Oregon, but damn, they have some great bands. Ils (pronounced "ilz") crank out some nasty brew mixing Jesus Lizard obtuse with some Unsane wallop and topping it with Drive Like Jehu math chaos. Toss in the indicting lyrics of "Whitemeat" and stand TF back. Curiously there are some catchy numbers within the mayhem that is "Curse".
Let's zip this up with some banging UK '82-style hardcore. This stuff is like a guilty pleasure for me. Sure, I could be these guys' dad and maybe it has little to say to me, but hot damn, it makes me grin and get fired up. While there is not anything ground-breaking here, whoever these no nonsense punks from Sacto are, they put out a blazing cassette (it doesn't get any more punk than that) release. If you dig Discharge at their height of their powers or Crucifix or any blasting dbeat stuff these guys will be right up yr alley. Heavy, fast and face-melting guitar riffs power this punk Freightliner.
See ya for more fun in 2021.
-El Ramon
About Ray: Hello Tidewater and World! I am native of Norfolk/VB, however I now call Alpharetta (topside of Atlanta), Georgia home. I grew up playing guitar (and some singing) in numerous bands from high school on for which a punishing amount of detail can be found somewhere in the archives 'round here. These days I am a dentist, cyclist (mostly mountain biking), half-assed graphic artist and I still occasionally pop up in some hair-brained music outings. I've probably forgotten seeing/playing with more bands than most will ever see and still find my way to shows despite my otherwise domestic milieu. Hit me up with questions, comments, hate mail and dirty pictures.