What is Hardcore Heart? Our Mission Statement:

The ball rolled here…

Too many members of our community have left us too soon. And, quite frankly, we can’t stand by and watch any longer. At Hardcore Norfolk, we are committed to providing resources for those in need of mental health outreach. Your contributions to our community matter. You and your loved ones matter. Let’s work to make the bad times better and find hope... together.

Member Testimony

Courtesy of Carolyn Hall Clark, interviewed by Debra Persons

Debra: Carolyn, you suffered an unimaginable loss this winter. Can you tell us a little about your beautiful son Ryker?

Carolyn: My son Ryker was a giant 17-year-old ray of sunshine. He was funny and kind. The kind of guy everyone wanted to know. He spent his time boogey boarding at the beach, gaming online, or chilling with his friends. In his recent past, he was a Boy Scout and self-proclaimed nerd. He loved playing dungeons and dragons and attending gamer conventions. He worked at McDonald's and excelled at the drive-thru, mostly due to his fast wit and patience with customers. He was a proud owner of a beat-up moped and was happy to provide rides to all his friends. Ryker was scheduled to graduate early from First Flight High School in Kill Devil Hills in mid-January, Class of 2022. He had a bright future. His plan was to move to Canada to apprentice and pursue a career growing Marijuana and producing pharmacy-grade edibles to aid people with seizure disorders or Parkinson’s disease. Unfortunately, none of that will happen now, as my son passed away on January 8th, 3 days before his 18th birthday.

Debra: I know almost immediately after losing Ryker you began to think of ways you could help others who have suffered a similar loss. As much as you are comfortable, can you share with us the circumstances of Ryker's death and why you feel there is a need in the community that isn't being met?

Carolyn: Law enforcement and Ryker’s peer group are convinced that my son most likely (toxicology results are not back yet) took a piece of a Xanax bar that was laced with fentanyl. I discovered my son in distress within 45 minutes of him consuming the pill. Emergency services tried several times to revive him with Narcan and CPR. Unfortunately, too much time had gone by and my sweet boy was gone. I feel strongly that if he had had the ability to test the pill he wouldn't have taken it. Also, if I had had a supply of Narcan his life may have been saved. Currently it's not easy to gain access to these life-saving supplies. You can request Narcan at a pharmacy, it’s approximately $140. Test strips are in short supply in stores but can be ordered online for $30. In order to receive either product for free one would have to apply to be a patient at health and human services or a rehab/counseling center. You'd be asked to provide your ID, proof of residency, your income as well as your reason for needing these products. Our teens are most likely not able to afford it nor are they likely going to go through this process. They don't want to get in trouble with their parents. They also don't feel safe explaining their need.

Debra: As a mother of an only son, my heart is truly broken for your loss. I am also completely amazed by your focus and strength to take on these sensitive issues in public. These statistics are sad indeed, and I know that opioid use, abuse, and accidental ingestion are rampant right now. The fact that our young people are in trouble is undeniable. I imagine many people faced with your situation would have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Not you, Carolyn! I believe you have reached out to the leadership in Ryker's high school in Kill Devil Hills, as well as your representatives in state government in Raleigh about these issues. What kind of response did you receive?

Carolyn: My daily strength comes from the love and loss of my son. Grief is like the Ocean. It comes in waves. Some days are rough and others are calm. My son wasn't an addict, but he made a mistake and that drug took his life. I made a choice. I refuse to lay down and cry, instead I will stand up and scream. I have reached out to many politicians on local and state levels. Although they admit there is a problem and that something needs to be done, legislation and change take time and money. I've also reached out to my son’s school. Local health officials and school administrators are currently working on a fentanyl education program for First Flight High School in Kill Devil Hills. However, due to the sensitive nature of the subject matter and need for multiple level approval it has not been put into place at this time.

Debra: So, as I would expect of a punk rock chic like yourself, you have decided to do a DIY program all on your own! I have seen your posts on Facebook offering supplies such as testing kits, and looking for locations (businesses, etc.) who would be willing to have the supplies free and available, no questions asked. Please tell us what you have you come up with! Where did you get the supplies and where can folks find them? I believe you have mentioned working with a task force.

Carolyn: Yes ma'am. It's hard to stop a determined punk rock mom on a mission. I've reached out to and voiced my ideas to anyone and everyone who would listen. An action task force has been formed. It consists of myself and people representing law enforcement, health and human services, and recovery and addiction professionals. Our group as well as the life-saving bags containing the fentanyl test strips and Narcan is called "Just in Case." The members are bound by their state or county jobs so they can't currently claim affiliation. They are guiding me and providing me with Narcan, test kits and help in funding a planned television commercial. However, until it's officially approved on a higher level, I'm basically on my own. The goal is to have these bags available for free. Available in discreet packaging in easily accessible locations. As in coffee shops, bars, restaurants, or even libraries. They will be set to the side where they can be easily grabbed with no need to ask for them. Due to all other members of the task force being state or county employees, they are regulated as to the use of their time or how they can distribute these supplies. I however can give anything to anyone at my discretion. I'm currently working on packaging and locations willing to distribute the bags. The local Health and Human Services office and the Saving Lives Task Force have made these supplies available to me. I've personally given away dozens of these kits. I will continue to do so until I can confirm public locations for pick up.

I have also been working with a local group called The Saving Lives Task Force. They are a harm reduction group that are also a part of my team. They are planning on filming a TV commercial that they have asked me to be a part of.

I'm eventually going to set up a nonprofit in Ryker’s name. I need a lawyer to set it up and I will be applying for grants and doing fundraising after that, but I can't wait for all that to happen. These kids need help now!!

In the meantime, people can contact me directly to receive these supplies. Obxzombie.cc@gmail.com

"Just in Case" hit me up if I can help you or someone you love. No questions asked. No fee. No judgements. Parents and friends, I can educate you on fentanyl. Teach you to recognize pressed pills, explain this drug and its potency and the many ways it kills. This evil drug is killing our kids, because our invincible youth think they’re just taking a pill. A Xanax, Molly, Vicodin or other. NOPE...don't trust any of it! It's not just killing addicts. 1 pill can kill. Know what you’re taking and never use alone. Let me arm you with life-saving equipment.

Debra: Carolyn, I can't thank you enough for sharing your story with Hardcore Heart. You are pretty much the definition of that phrase. I know Ryker is as proud of you as I am. I hope you will update us on your progress on the Hardcore Norfolk Facebook page. And I have one final request of you. I know we are here to talk about your efforts in overdose prevention, but I am wondering if I could ask you to speak to our members who are going through their own grief process. Knowing you are very early days of your loss, is there a message of hope you can give to us?

Carolyn: Grief is a crazy cycle. The first 48 hours after Ryker passed, I was so angry. At him, God, this community and myself. In between the fits of anger comes the pain. I’m unable to describe it. It overtakes your entire body and hurts every part of your body. The only advice I was given that resonated with me came from another parent who had lost a child. He advised me to "lean into it." He assured me that if I deny the pain it will only hurt me in the future. I gave myself a free pass for a month after my son died. I drank too much, slept too little and hardly ate. I found myself comforting others and was almost never alone. I held onto what I learned from the Chaplain who was present the night my son passed. I explained I wasn't a practicing Christian and he assured me that Jesus doesn't care. He loves me the same as those who are. I also apologized for my blasphemy, and he assured me God has broad shoulders and can handle and forgive my anger. I wish I had advice for others dealing with grief. I only know how unpredictable it is. I recently, as normal, cut and plated a slice of lasagna for Ryker to eat after work. The reality of my mistake literally dropped me to my knees with uncontrollable emotion. I sympathize with anyone dealing with that pain. My only hope is that time will give me clarity and lessen my struggle.

Debra: Your honesty is staggering, and once again, I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing with us, in the hopes this will help someone. I know that is all you want.

Again, to reach Carolyn Hall Clark with questions about accidental overdose, or requests for drug testing strips or Narcan for use in reviving overdose victims: Obxzombie.cc@gmail.com

"Just in Case" hit me up if I can help you or someone you love. No questions asked. No fee. No judgements. Parents and friends, I can educate you on fentanyl. Teach you to recognize pressed pills, explain this drug and its potency, and the many ways it kills. This evil drug is killing our kids because our invincible youth think they’re just taking a pill. A Xanax, Molly, Vicodin, or other. NOPE - don't trust any of it! It's not just killing addicts. 1 pill can kill. Know what you’re taking and never use alone. Let me arm you with life-saving equipment.

A few days after the interview, Deb got this message from Carolyn: I've been asked to spread fentanyl education and to voice my cause at the OBX Shred Fest (coming up May 21st) and other music fest type events. I have set up a Go Fund Me to help with the costs of a Just In Case banner, some stickers, and info posters to use in my booth. I'm asking for assistance to purchase fentanyl education posters, logo stickers, and other printed materials. I'll also need assistance to eventually purchase a basic computer to assist with emails, distribution, and event scheduling. I've been doing everything from my phone. I also may need help paying for gas and food as I attend these events. In the future, these funds may be used to purchase more fentanyl test strips. Any donation to the fund is greatly appreciated. Carolyn’s GoFundMe

Resources

Please note: Hardcore Norfolk is not affiliated with any of the organizations listed below.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. Chat on their website or get help by phone: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Veterans Crisis Line - Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and press 1 or text to 838255. The Veterans Crisis Line is a free, confidential resource that connects veterans 24 hours a day, seven days a week with a trained responder. The service is available to all veterans, even if they are not registered with the VA or enrolled in VA healthcare. People who are deaf, hard of hearing, or have hearing loss can call 1-800-799-4889.

Punk Rock Saves Lives - We are a catalyst at events allowing the punk rock community to start focusing on health concerns, equal rights, human rights, and more.

LGBT Life Center - The resources and support to live a healthy, connected LGBT life.

NAMI - National Alliance on Mental Illness - the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness.

Alcoholics Anonymous Virginia - AA Virginia helps individuals struggling with alcoholism find the help they need on a local basis.

Narcotics Anonymous - Recovery will change your life forever. Choose to love yourself, to end the turmoil, and to recover from drug addiction. Get 24/7 help: 1-800-407-7195

Disaster Distress Helpline - Call or text 1-800-985-5990. The disaster distress helpline provides immediate crisis counseling for people who are experiencing emotional distress related to any natural or human-caused disaster. The helpline is free, multilingual, confidential, and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

The Chas Foundation - Established in memory of Charles H. Kirkwood (Chas), who suffered from bipolar disorder and ultimately lost his life to suicide. Vision: In the Hampton Roads region, individuals suffering with mental illness and their caretakers will find resources for effective support and treatment.